The foundation of the Sustainable Networking philosophy is generosity. It is through generosity to others that we create a virtuous cycle of mutual success. We use our resources to support our network, helping our connections succeed. In turn, our network becomes a more powerful problem-solving tool for our career and success, giving us access to more resources, which can then be used in service of our network. On and on the cycle goes.
But sometimes the cycle breaks down. We encounter someone who takes advantage of our generosity with no intention of reciprocating.
How should we respond? Is it transactional for us to say no to someone because we suspect they won’t help us? Do we have to keep being generous in the face of selfish behavior? Are we betraying the principles of Sustainable Networking by saying no to unsustainable behavior?
The short answer is: No. You do not have to tolerate bad behavior.
Consider another important principle of Sustainable Networking: Self-Care.
In order to be successful in your career (and happy in your life), you must take care of yourself. Self-care is how you maintain and expand your resources—the same ones you use to support others. Protecting your bandwidth by saying no to certain requests is an important aspect of your self-care—and if someone is draining your bandwidth or taking your resources without ever helping to replenish them, you can absolutely say no.
Now, this isn’t to say that you should immediately jettison any relationship that becomes imbalanced. Sustainable relationships are long-term relationships, and long-term relationships have an ebb and flow. Students, for example, don’t have a lot of resources. They are growing their knowledge and their networks, and are typically highly dependent on their advisors for years. Similarly, mentors usually provide a disproportionate amount of support to their mentees. Or, a peer may be going through a difficult career period wherein they are asking for a lot of support without being able to return it quickly.
These dynamics are not necessarily unhealthy. If these relationships are treated as long term, the student or the mentee will mature, grow into greater resources, and be able to support the advisors and mentors who got them started. The peer who went through a rough patch can recover and, with your support, flourish, then be ready to help you in turn.
These dynamics are fundamentally different from someone who exploits your generosity. Red flags can include (but are not limited to): people you don’t know well who immediately make big requests; people who don’t say thank you; people who you help that don’t follow up with updates; and people who don’t stay in touch (until the next time they need help). Ultimately, you know best. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or isn’t treating you fairly, trust your instincts and firmly (but kindly) say no.
Sometimes the cycle is broken; sometimes it’s just moving slowly. Trust yourself to distinguish between the two. You do not have to put up with or enable unsustainable behavior. By acting to protect your resources, you preserve your capacity to remain generous with those who will honor your gifts with mutual exchange. You don’t need my permission but in case you want it: I give you permission to say no! It is a vital act of self-care.
First published in the Virtuous Cycles Newsletter on 17.04.2026
by Christina C. C. Willis
Sustainable Networking 