Questions are one of the most powerful mutli-tools that we have at our disposal. I like to describe networking as a career multi-tool; questions are a learning, career, and life tool. Asking questions helps to clarify our understanding, improve our performance, navigate and deepen our relationships with others, both professional and personal, and examine our own internal landscapes.
Yet, we are frequently afraid to ask. We are worried our question will make us look stupid or annoy people. Or, we are afraid of the answer to the question, so we avoid asking it. Or we might simply forget to ask questions, because something has struck a nerve, and we switch to defending ourselves instead of inquiring.
To make better use of questions in our careers and lives, let’s examine some different situations where questions can be highly impactful.
Setting expectations
When you start a new job or a new project, it’s incredibly important to ask questions to set accurate expectations with your new boss or manager. When does it need to be done, and what does “done” look like? How frequently should updates be provided? Asking the questions at the outset to ensure your expectations are matched will help you to avoid friction later on.
When you don’t understand
It can feel embarrassing to admit you don’t understand, but asking clarifying questions is essential for learning, improvement, and quality execution. Inspect your question before asking it: does this question have broad appeal or is it narrow and/or hyper specific to you? If you are in a group setting and your question has wide relevance, is in scope, and can’t be solved with a quick search, take the leap and ask it. Other people will likely be interested in the answer as well—and this is also how questions become a networking tool.
If your question is hyper-specific or relevant only to you, save it for a one-on-one setting. And of course, if you can answer it with a quick search, do so. That may help you refine the question or create a new one.
Questions as a networking tool
When you ask questions in group settings, whether it is in a group meeting at work, during a department colloquium, or at a conference presentation, they serve multiple networking purposes.
A good question endears you to the speaker: they appreciate your interest and it is a great introduction to them if you would like to connect. Or, in a group meeting at work, it shows interest and engagement in the work to your boss and teammates. At a colloquium or presentation where there are strangers present, a good question presents you in a favorable light—they may open a conversation with you because they liked your question.
To show off
Don’t do this. Attempting to pull the spotlight onto you and your knowledge will not reflect favorably on you. Your question should support the speaker and the focus of the meeting, not detract from it.
When you want to improve your performance
Asking your boss for feedback, rather than waiting for it to happen, is a great way to improve your performance at work. This applies not just to working relationships, but personal ones as well. Asking your significant other how you can make them feel more loved and appreciated, instead of waiting for them to make a request, is a great way to improve your relationship.
When receiving critical feedback
Receiving critical feedback isn’t easy, but when it is done in a supportive manner, not intended to tear you down but to help you build yourself up better, it is a true gift. As humans, we are tempted to explain and defend ourselves when our flaws, or flaws in our performance, are pointed out. Resist. Pause. Take a breath. Ask questions. Make sure you fully understand what the person is saying, and what the feedback is, before you react to it. You may find out that it’s not as bad as first blush, that you misunderstood and filled in the blanks in a way that made it worse or more personal than was intended.
When you feel angry
Some did something awful or insulting to you. You are furious. You want to go on the attack and accuse them of being a horrible, mean, or dumb person. And they are clearly just wrong, darn it!
This is an important moment to ask questions. They may not have intended insult, and by shifting into question mode first, you can uncover misunderstandings while avoiding unnecessary escalation. Reflecting is also a useful skill in moments of high emotion. Saying “I hear you saying X. Is that true?” gives the other person a chance to correct any misunderstandings.
When you are afraid of the answer
If you have a question you want to ask, but you are avoiding it because you are afraid of the answer, it is probably past time to ask. The true answer will probably scare you less than catastrophes you are imagining. Or, it’s just as bad as you imagine (unlikely, but possible), but once it’s out in the light instead of lurking in the shadows, you will be able to address it and move forward instead of living in fear.
As a regular career (or life) self-check in
It’s valuable to periodically ask yourself questions about how things are going. Am I enjoying my work? Is this career path still the right one for me? If I’m not happy in my current role, can it be improved or should I look for a new one? Asking yourself these questions can help shake you out of a stagnant or bad situation sooner rather than later.
Author and psychologist Adam Grant recommends asking the question: “When did you form the aspirations you’re currently pursuing, and how have you changed since then?” Maybe a career aspiration that you formed as a teenager isn’t the right fit for you anymore.
This can also be applied to your personal life. How are you spending most of your time? Does it align with your values? Is there something preventing you from spending time on things you find fulfilling? What could you stop doing to make time for more important things? What are the important things?
Ask!
Ultimately, asking good questions—whether of a colleague, a speaker, or yourself—is an act of courage and curiosity that opens up new possibilities. The next time you feel curious, confused, defensive, or in need of change, treat it as a cue to pause and inquire instead of reacting.
To get started, I suggest writing down a question right now. Is there something you’ve been avoiding asking? What might happen if you finally asked it? Whether it’s for you or someone else, write it down. If it’s for someone else, include their name and when/how you are planning to ask it. (Writing down plans significantly improves our follow through.) Do this as a first step towards intentionally incorporating more questions into your life and career.
Happy asking!
First published in the Virtuous Cycles Newsletter on 18.09.2026
by Christina C. C. Willis
