Beyond Mentoring

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Thinking Outside the Mentoring Binary and Building Diverse Career Support Relationships

In early 2019, when I sat down to write Sustainable Networking for Scientists and Engineers, I had never had a formal mentoring relationship. There had been my high school college counselor and an assigned academic advisor in college. I also regularly relied on what I call my “council of friends”—peers,  colleagues, or friends whom I trust for advice. But I had never had anyone who carried the official label of “mentor.” Yet, as I researched my book, I discovered there was a lot of evidence on the importance of mentoring for career success.

Studies show receiving mentoring is positively correlated with career success,1 performance and creativity at work,2 and higher earnings.3 Mentoring has also been associated with higher levels of job satisfaction, career success, and job performance4 for the mentors. Further, companies with mentoring programs earn more and have better employee retention.5,6 Everyone involved seems to benefit! But how should we define mentoring relationships?

Mentoring-Mentee Relationships: A Two-Way Street

We tend to think of these relationships as a one-way: the mentor gives, and the mentee receives. And there is a natural power dynamic in mentoring. The mentor is typically more experienced and more advanced in their career. But that doesn’t mean that this special type of networking relationship can’t follow the same rules of equitable exchange, authenticity, and sustainability as other networking relationships.

Mentees can support their mentors in the exact same ways they help other networking connections: by introducing them across their network, circulating their work on social media, notifying them of articles or awards that are relevant to them, and otherwise assisting them in their endeavors. It also means a lot to a mentor when their mentee implements their advice and follows up to share the outcome. Mentors like to see their mentees succeed!

As is the nature of the Sustainable Networking approach, you can think of mentoring as a long-term investment. Not only is the relationship, in and of itself rewarding, when a mentee matures in their career and becomes successful under the guidance of their mentor, they can (and likely will) offer assistance to their mentor in turn.

How (Not) to Find a “Mentor”

Back in 2019, I decided that if I was going to recommend mentorship in my book, I needed to find a mentor for myself. I considered my network. I identified a CEO of a company in my field with whom I had a friendly acquaintance. I asked him if he would be willing to mentor me, and he said yes, but with the caveat that he hadn’t done it before. We set up short monthly calls that lasted for about a year. Then the pandemic hit, and with everything going on, he needed to end the relationship. A little disappointing, but I was undeterred.

A few years later, I decided to try again. As a laser scientist and writer with an interest in policy and travel, I had been thrilled to befriend a lobbyist, writer, and former physics professor who had traveled much of the world (in short, a total badass). When, a few years later, I asked him to be my mentor, the answer was, definitively, no. He told me he didn’t “do” mentoring, but said I was welcome to put time on his calendar occasionally. Years later, he is a dear friend and a great advisor—but he’s not my mentor.

I had a similar experience with a coworker. After starting a new job, I identified a veteran of the company whom I enjoyed working with. When I asked him if he would mentor me, the response was, “I don’t like commitments.” I had to laugh. But similar to my last attempt, he said I could put things on his calendar periodically, and he became a wonderful (if non-committal) resource for me.

My boss in that role was also an excellent mentor to me, and this is a great place to find mentorship. Your boss doesn’t have to be your mentor, but if your boss can also be your mentor, it’s a great option.

In sum, to find a mentor, consider your options and just ask. Recognize that you are asking for a commitment that may not work for some people, and be flexible in your definition of mentoring. Try again as necessary.

How to Be a Mentor

I’ve had several people ask me to mentor them, but only one has stuck. We’ve been having a monthly call for years. We aren’t always consistent; things come up, we have to reschedule, or the dog ate our homework. But when we do talk, we share our recent life and career experiences, learning from each other, and I do my best to offer her suggestions, guidance, and things to try. As one study on the benefits of mentoring noted, “mentoring relationships are bidirectional and deeply influenced by shared authenticity, vulnerability, and mutual learning.”7 I embrace this attitude with my approach to mentoring and this special, long-term relationship. There are lots of different ways to be a mentor; this is mine.

Support from Many Places

Mentor-mentee relationships and other career support relationships are not exclusive. You can have several at once, especially if you have multiple areas of interest. Your “council of friends” is equally critical for those tough moments when you need a variety of opinions. When I once had to decide whether to quit a job before I’d even started (eek!), I reached out to my former mentor (the CEO), my “I don’t do mentoring” friend, my career coach, and an old grad school friend for their input before I made a final decision.

(Side note on career coaching: This is a very different type of relationship from mentoring and one that can be expensive. I don’t meet regularly with my career coach but having access to him at significant decision points has been incredibly valuable. More on this subject another time.)

More recently, I established a sort of mentoring-not-mentoring relationship? I was looking for ways to improve in my role, and I recognized that I could learn a lot from a particular colleague. I asked him if I could pay for some of his time (at a frighteningly high billable rate, since he’s a fancy attorney) to ask him questions. He refused. He said that it would be too much paperwork for me to pay him, so we should just do it for free. This startled me; it didn’t seem fair to him. I asked him why he would do such a thing, and his response was that he was “playing the long game.” In other words, I would be his investment. I was deeply moved by his kindness, and I’ve learned so much from him—but we’ve never used the M-word.

Making an Investment

I encourage you to do it all. Call it mentoring or playing the long game. Be non-committal yet available and supportive, and find people who will do that for you. Utilize a council of friends to make decisions, and be a member of one. And don’t just have one of these relationships; have many of them. These relationships are critical scaffolding as you build your career, whether you are the one in the relationship with more experience or less. The labels matter far less than authenticity within the relationship and a willingness to learn from one another. So, get out there and make some investments!

First published in the Virtuous Cycles Newsletter on 16.01.2026
by Christina C. C. Willis

Further Reading:

References:

  1. Bozionelos, N., Bozionelos, G., Kostopoulos, K., & Polychroniou, P. (2011). How providing mentoring relates to career success and organizational commitment: A study in the general managerial population. Career Development International, 16(5), 446–468. https://doi.org/10.1108/13620431111167760
  2. De Stobbeleir, K. E. M., Ashford, S. J., & Buyens, D. (2017). Self-regulation of creativity at work: The role of feedback-seeking behavior in creative performance. Academy of Management Journal, 54(4). https://doi.org/10.5465/amj.2011.64870144
  3. Eby, L. T., Allen, T. D., Evans, S. C., Ng, T., & Dubois, D. (2008). Does mentoring matter? A multidisciplinary meta-analysis comparing mentored and non-mentored individuals. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 72(2), 254–267. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jvb.2007.04.005
  4. Ghosh, R., & Reio Jr, T. G. (2013). Career benefits associated with mentoring for mentors: A meta-analysis. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 83(1), 106-116. https://www.womeninhealthcare.org/app/uploads/2021/03/Career-benefits-associated-with-mentoring-for-men_2013_Journal-of-Vocational.pdf
  5. Cantalupo, G. (2022). Does mentoring still matter for fortune 500 companies? Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescommunicationscouncil/2022/05/19/does-mentoring-still-matter-for-fortune-500-companies/
  6. Mentor Mentee. (2025). Understanding the roi of mentoring programs and how to track it. https://mentormentee.com/resource-center/roi-mentoring-programs
  7. Lee, H., Salcedo, J., Chen, K., & Anderson, A. J. (2025). “This is why we all show up:” How supporting youth cultivates hope, purpose, and well-being of adult mentors. Journal of Community Psychology, 53(2), e23182. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcop.23182

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