During my time practicing public speaking, I’ve learned many lessons through feedback, experience, and, frankly, by screwing up. But screw-ups are great learning opportunities! Sure, it’s nice to skip the embarrassment and suffering associated with screwing up, but that’s what makes mistakes such powerful learning experiences.

Below is a list of rules I’ve established for myself based on my public speaking screw-ups. Some lessons are from specific engagements and others are one-offs or apply in most cases. This list is not exhaustive—it only includes lessons learned the hard way.

I hope the vicarious experience of my embarrassment and suffering will help you, gentle reader, avoid similar mistakes. Or you can just have a laugh at my expense—either way. Don’t worry, I’m laughing, too.

Redeyes, Colds, and Stimulants

Lessons learned from the speaking engagement when I got sick… and then made things worse.

Rule #1: Don’t write your slides on the plane.

I had some superlative rationalizations for not starting my slides sooner. I was super busy at my day job. I was also just starting with public speaking, and this wasn’t a paid gig. Plus, who among us hasn’t made slides on a plane? 

But don’t. write. your. slides. on the plane! 

(Side note: If you ever start defending your behavior on the basis of “But everyone does it!” that’s a big fat red flag you probably shouldn’t be doing it!)

If I had rested on my redeye instead of writing slides all night, I might not have caught a cold. Maybe I would have gotten it anyway, but getting no sleep did nothing good for my immune system. And that cold turned out to be a fateful omen of, let’s say, more learning opportunities to come…

Rule #2: Don’t consume stimulants right before your presentation.

Not only was I jetlagged, but I had just come down with a cold.* I thought consuming an energy drink would help me remain alert. But, jetlagged, remember? I got the time confused and thought I had two hours before my presentation. In reality, I had less than an hour until I took the stage. If I hadn’t been exhausted, jetlagged, and sick, I probably wouldn’t have mixed up the times. 

(Side note: see how mistakes can compound to make more mistakes learning opportunities?) 

And the thing is, the excitement and adrenaline of getting on stage is typically more than enough to get my heart rate up—I really don’t need help. But oh, on this occasion, I had help. Way too much help. As I got on stage, my heart rate skyrocketed, achieved escape velocity, and began orbiting the moon. I was seriously frightened of what might happen.

Thanks to this “energy drink incident,” I have learned it’s best for me simply to forego any kind of stimulants before I speak, whether an energy drink, coffee, or tea. 

^{* – I don’t advise presenting while sick. These events occurred during simpler, pre-COVID times when we were all a little more cavalier about respiratory infections.}

Rule #3: Remember to breathe during your presentation. 

Since I get nerves before getting on stage, it can take me a minute to warm up. I tend to be a little fixated on my racing pulse and monstrous social anxiety, which, like some kind of angry, castle moat crocodile, is snapping frantically and trying to eat me. Then I relax as I get more focused on the presentation. 

The problem was, I drank that darn energy drink. With my heart rate beating at an uncontrollably high and sustained rate, I could not relax, and I completely forgot to breathe. In fact, I broke several world records for a duration of not breathing while still being alive. Worse still, the audience could tell how tense I was. It was hugely embarrassing. Under normal circumstances, I could have hidden my nerves, but exhausted, jetlagged, sick, and now, overstimulated, I couldn’t, and I didn’t.

Rule #4: Do not beat yourself up. 

Remember what I said about screw-ups? I mean… learning opportunities. Well, as it turns out, learning opportunities can snowball in a nightmarish– I mean, an educational fashion. As a result, I finished what should have been a 45-minute presentation in only 30 minutes. My talking too fast and not breathing made me super tense and uncomfortable, and my audience noticed. They told me as much at the reception.

But you know what? They were not mad or accusatory that I hadn’t given my best possible performance. No, they were worried for me and asked if I was alright. They were kind and modeled the sort of behavior that I should (but struggle to) exhibit towards myself. And they said they learned something and that they enjoyed the talk, and isn’t that the whole point?

Airport Roulette, Threats of Decapitation, and Gratitude

Airport Roulette, Threats of Decapitation, and Gratitude
Lessons learned from the speaking engagement where I could not get my flights right and the “mafia” wanted my head.

Rule #5: Review your flights a week in advance. 

For this lesson, there’s something important to know about airports in the Washington, DC area. Reagan National is a domestic airport that is right in the city, and it was only a 15-minute train ride from my home. But for international flights, I had to go to Washington Dulles International Airport, which was a 45-minute drive from my home. I had an international speaking gig, so I called a rideshare, grabbed my suitcase, and headed to Dulles.

Only, when I got to Dulles, I was informed that I was at the wrong airport. Because, here’s the catch: I didn’t have a direct flight to my destination. I had a layover at a domestic airport. So, thanks to my domestic layover, despite my international destination, my flight was actually out of National. It had been a long time since I booked the tickets, and I didn’t read them carefully when I checked in online. Thus, I had to take another 45-minute rideshare back to town…

(Honorary) Rule #6: Leave enough time to get to the airport. 

I have actually not screwed this one up yet! Despite my airport mixup, I left the house early enough that I didn’t miss my flight! But it was silly to spend 90 minutes and a bunch of money on rideshares so that I could go to the wrong airport when it would have taken 15 minutes and a few dollars to take the train to the correct airport. I will never get that time back, but I try to remember Rule #4: don’t beat yourself up.

Rule #7: Don’t answer calls from unknown numbers. 

This is where things really went sideways. I was in a foreign country, and I got a call from an unknown number. But it wasn’t a number from my home country. It was from the country I was visiting. I thought it had to be one of the talk organizers. Who else in that country had my number? 

When I picked up, someone claiming to be the mafia said they were inside my hotel and subsequently threatened to chop my head off if I didn’t stay in my room and send them a photograph of my passport. Scared out of my mind, I contacted the hotel staff, who told me it was a scammer, no one was in the hotel, and to hang up. 

And that worked! Because ultimately, I wasn’t in any real danger. A scammer skimmed my number off a cell tower sometime after I landed and turned on my phone (yes, that’s evidently a thing). It’s totally understandable that I would be scared out of my mind by such an experience, and it was absolutely not my fault. But I could have saved myself the drama by not picking up in the first place.

Rule #8: Be thankful for the immense kindness of your hosts. 

After the terrifying phone call, I called my hosts. Even though it was very inconvenient for them to show up in the middle of the night at a moment’s notice, they did. They showed up—in numbers—to take care of me. One of them even spent the night on the sofa in my hotel room, even though it was genuinely unnecessary. But they did it without complaint because they wanted me to feel safe and taken care of, and that is one of the most beautiful gifts I have ever been given, especially coming from a group of people I had just met.

Rule #5 (Yes, Rule #5 again, because I didn’t learn the first time): Review your flights a week in advance.

Sadly, I needed (and failed) to observe Rule #5 on my return trip home because, for some reason I could not fathom, past-me had booked a return flight to Dulles! As in, different from my departing airport. Returning to a different airport threw me for a loop during my layover, because there was more than one flight to the DC area at around the same time. Looking at the wrong flight, I thought I had more time than I did, and I had the gate wrong. 

When I realized my mistake, it resulted in a literal sprint through the airport (good job packing light, Christina, and also for being in decent running shape). But I did make my flight. I was the last person to board, I was sweating profusely (much to my seatmate’s delight), and the flight staff were deeply annoyed, but I was on my flight. And thankfully, that concluded the drama story arc, which had already been enough for one trip.

Sleep Deprivation, More Flight Drama, and the Why of it All

Lessons learned from the speaking engagement where I got almost no sleep and had all the flight drama (again)

Rule #9: Remember Rule 5!
Rule #5: Review your flights a week in advance.

This flight thing is important, but it’s hard enough for me to remember (evidently), so it’s getting a double-down reminder rule. This one, though, wasn’t my fault. There was a technical glitch where, even though my purchase was confirmed, my ticket was never issued. If I had checked my flight details a week in advance and not when I was going to bed the night before my flight, I could have gotten more sleep instead of spending ages on the phone with an airline customer service rep.

Which brings us to…

Rule #10: Do your best to arrive at your destination rested.

This might seem obvious and/or impossible, but arriving rested makes everything else easier. Unfortunately, I was already pretty exhausted from a hard week at my day job. And as we have already seen, past-me sometimes does things that present-me simply can’t understand, like booking a 7 am flight, necessitating a 3:45 am wake-up time. 

Why would past-me do that? When she booked the flight, was she cackling to herself, “Ha ha, take that future me!”? No. I know she’s well-intentioned. She probably just didn’t think the timing all the way through. She also didn’t know that my in-laws would be visiting the night before departure, so instead of packing my bags and going to bed early, I was out (enjoying myself) with my family and not getting ready for travel. Thus, not only was I tired from a long work week, but I got almost no sleep the night before traveling and boarded my flight very sleep-deprived.

Rule #11: Try your entire presentation-day outfit on when packing. 

When I arrived at my destination and began to unpack, I made an awful discovery: I didn’t have the right bra. Since not all of my readers wear bras, let me explain that the reason this matters is the straps. It looks very wrong (even unprofessional) if the bra or its straps are showing in a business setting. As such, bras need to be carefully paired with the garments they will be worn with.

Because I had been packing in a hurry (see: visiting in-laws, see also side note: how learning opportunities compound educationally), I had just thrown my outfit into my suitcase without putting it on. Fortunately, I was able to come up with a creative, ad hoc solution (no duct tape involved!) such that I didn’t look ridiculous when presenting, but I was lucky that it worked out because I didn’t have time to go shopping. Trying the whole outfit on ensures you identify all necessary undergarments and accessories.

Rule #9: Remember Rule #5.
Rule #5: Review your flights a week in advance. 

Ugh, yes, AGAIN. I know, right? And this one was completely my fault. If I had carefully checked my flight details in advance, I would have noticed that my return flight date was a week late. I would have liked to curse past me for being sloppy, but really, I know she was doing her best. I did my best to remember Rule #4 and not beat myself up (which includes past me). 

When I discovered this error late at night (the night before my talk and my return trip), I got on the phone and was able to rebook it. I got it fixed, but fixing it kept me up late when I was already sleep-deprived and created stress that I could have otherwise avoided.

Rule #12: Don’t (try not to) stress if you can’t sleep the night before a gig. 

Despite the fact that I was exhausted, I couldn’t sleep. I was in a strange bed in a strange city that I had never visited before. I also had the great joy of a wedding celebration happening in the lobby of my hotel, one that I could hear late into the night. Additionally, my room was by the elevator, and I could hear it ding. cheerily. every. time. it arrived on my floor. There was also a weird clicking noise that would jar me awake at apparently random intervals and stubbornly resisted identification. 

I also was understandably worried about being rested enough to perform well in the morning. And worrying makes it easier to sleep, right?

What I realized (after the fact, of course) is that whether I slept or not, I was going to get up and do my best in the morning, and that would be that. Rule #4 (don’t beat yourself up) applies to insomnia, too.

Rule #13: Be grateful for your audience.

My relationship with my audience the next morning started out a little rough. They were a quiet, unsmiling sea of faces in a large ballroom. When I first paused for questions, I experienced a silence more complete than a graveyard after the nuclear apocalypse has killed all wildlife. I waited awkwardly for someone, anyone, to raise a hand. But once the first question was (finally) asked, the floodgates opened. They asked, and they asked, and they asked, and good, interesting, and thought-provoking questions at that. They started to laugh at my jokes, even the stupid ones. 

I was amazed that, after my talk, a small crowd stayed to speak to me. They told me the most beautiful, personal stories. They told me their fears and acts of bravery and shared how inspiring my talk was for them. It meant absolutely everything to me because that is the real reason I do this: to help others and give them tools they can use to make their lives better. My audience staying afterward to let me know I succeeded made everything worth it.

Punctuality, IT debacles, and the Philosophy of Screw-Ups

Lessons learned (sometimes multiple times) from a variety of speaking engagements

Rule #14: Arrive early.

Here’s the thing: something always goes wrong. There’s a new IT person who doesn’t realize I prefer a lapel mic, or I get lost on the way to the room, or it’s pouring rain when I have to walk outside with my computer, or there’s a zombie apocalypse, or, I don’t know… but it’s always something. Arriving early gives you a buffer of time within which to handle whatever the something is this time and then start on time without feeling anxious and rushed.

(Side note: if you have managed to plan around a zombie apocalypse and still start your talk on time, hit me up, I want to know your secrets and zombie slaying techniques.)

Despite the best intentions and very well knowing better, sometimes I’m not early, and naturally, when that happens, I’ll discover I’ve left something important behind, like the dongle for my slide advancer or the correct adapter cable for my computer, and that leads us to…

Rule #15: Bring the right gear.

I used to have a beloved but ancient computer. I knew that it should have been in an archaeological museum. No other functioning device on the entire planet had a micro-HDMI port. And that could pose complications when connecting with a projector system. I thought I was prepared because I had a micro-HDMI to HDMI adapter. Only, at one particular speaking engagement, it turned out that my adapter had the wrong combination of genders for this particular projection system, so I couldn’t actually connect to the projection system.

The ensuing kerfuffle over available cables and adaptors and unsuccessful attempts to transfer files to a different computer caused me a lot of stress right before my presentation, which also subsequently started late. This made me realize that being a professional speaker means showing up with all the gear necessary to avoid as many such kerfuffles as possible. 

Rule #16: Be grateful for your screw-ups. 

As has been discussed and amply demonstrated above, screw-ups are embarrassing. Screw-ups can make things harder and more stressful. I will probably screw-up many more times as I continue to grow as a public speaker (though hopefully, mostly new screw-ups, and maybe, eventually, Rule #5 will sink in). 

Each screw-up is a brick in the edifice of the experience I am building that (I hope) will eventually make me truly great at this. I advise you not to let the idea of screwing up scare you (too much). When they happen, let your screw-ups be the experience and inspiration that you need to do and be better.

Rule #17: Always, always, always, remember Rule #4. 
Rule #4: Do not beat yourself up. 

Conclusion

My path to becoming a better public speaker has been paved with unexpected challenges and, yes, screw-ups. Loads of them. I hope that by reading about my mistakes, you got a laugh or two, maybe cringed some, and learned some things so that you don’t have to do it the hard way, too.

Summary of Public Speaking Rules Learned the Hard Way

• Rule #1: Don’t write your slides on the plane.
• Rule #2: Don’t consume stimulants within an hour of your presentation.
• Rule #3: Remember to breathe during your presentation.
• Rule #4: Do not beat yourself up.
• Rule #5: Review your flights a week in advance.
• Rule #6: Leave enough time to get to the airport.
• Rule #7: Don’t answer calls from unknown numbers.
• Rule #8: Be thankful for the immense kindness of your hosts.
• Rule #9: Remember Rule 5!
• Rule #10: Arrive at your destination rested.
• Rule #11: Try your entire presentation-day outfit on when packing.
• Rule #12: Don’t (try not to) stress if you can’t sleep the night before a gig.
• Rule #13: Be grateful for your audience.
• Rule #14: Arrive early.
• Rule #15: Bring the right gear.
• Rule #16: Be grateful for your screw-ups.
• Rule #17: Always, always, always, remember Rule #4.

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First published in the Virtuous Cycles Newsletter on 6.20.2025
By Christina C. C. Willis